Requiem For Steve

(Originally posted to the Boise Meet And Greet Bulletin Board March 12-20, 1998)

  • Grayberet_274, 8:08 P.M.
  • Hi, Steve. How are things?

    Saw you at the AST tech conference. I was there with nobody to talk to, and I saw you there. I don't see many people from out of town, so I knew immediately you weren't from around here. I'd like to welcome you to the community, first of all. I only know your name is Steve because one of the AST guys introduced you to me. I asked him "Who's that guy over there with the tie?" and he said "Him? That's Steve." I don't know if you work at AST or not. Do You? Tech has always fascinated me. I know that here in Boise AST is trying to set up roots, so maybe you're part of their traveling circus.

    I was the brunette in the knee-high skirt and magenta blazer. Hair was kind of frizzy, didn't have time to comb it this morning. I know you saw me, you kind of looked my way and if memory serves correctly you started walking toward me but one of your friends, a guy who was about 5 and a half feet tall with glasses, put his hand on your shoulder and pulled you back. The rest of the night we were arranged into lines to look at the different consoles. Given that you're big into computers I know you have to be on this board somewhere. I searched all the usernames by index for "steve," but nothing showed up. I assume you're here under another username. Please reply ayec.

  • Kismet, 4:36 A.M.
  • Hey there. This isn't Steve. Just thought I would take the time to welcome you to the board, I'm one of the lead administrators. Second, according to our terms of service, you're required to provide a profile picture with your face clearly in frame. Please take one and submit it. Thanks!

  • Grayberet_274, 2:23 P.M.
  • Oh, sorry about that. I'll provide you with a picture right away. Who reads terms of service, right?

    Now to you, Steve. How are you doing? I went back to the AST conference today but it was done. Chairs were all folded up, room was empty. I think they might be back in a week, though, which hopefully means you'll be back. If you find this, let's make plans. I know a great spot downtown, they have oven-baked pies and the casserole is really good. I worked there as a teenager but since then I've become an independent contractor, mostly roof work. Job market in Boise these days is getting harder and harder. If you came over, though, we could hang, maybe play some video games. I have Twisted Metal, Super Mario, Bros. 3, and GoldenEye, among others. Recently got more at a garage sale.

    Steve, if you're on here I'd like to hear from you. How is life at AST? I guess I don't know if you work for them. I have a cousin who works in the business at Microsoft. He says the pay is good and the hours are decent.

    The weather has been really good lately. Sometimes I go out on my patio and look over the hills, sunset's really nice this time of year. My neighbor has a wood cabin. If you squint, you can see a lot from up here. After I write this I might kick off my shoes and go to the backyard for a while, take some deep breaths of the fresh air. Work has been stressful lately, the people I work for always expect me to work upfront. It's hard, but I get by. hey, how's your friend with the glasses? Maybe bring him over and we can get sauced on Merlot.

  • Grayberet_274, 9:40 P.M.
  • Hi again, just thought I would drop in and say hi. After my last post I went out to do a job for one of my neighbors. Not the one with the log cabin, an old guy who lives on a corner, he's great and always pays me extra. His roof is infested with termites. If you saw them you probably wouldn't be able to stomach it. He calls in an exterminator to fumigate before I repair his roof but he says they keep coming back, again and again. Nasty little things, they bite me in the hot sun with their little pincwers and afterward I have to rub on some ointment. Grueling work. I guess that's why he pays me extra. Termite nests and amazing, when they get in the walls they can burrow in and set up shop. Really amazing stuff, even if it is unsettling to think that insects could be so powerful.

    Onto better news. Gosh it's great outside tonight. Anyway, I looked on the AST forums and saw a user named steven_inert. Is this you? It sounds like you, I guess Steve is a shortening of Steven. Is anybody just named Steve? I guess there's also Stephen. I honestly don't know at this point. This account only made 2 posts, one about a shipment of processors and one about the capacity of the PenExec. I had a PenExec a long time ago, I think I still do, it's in my closet somewhere. maybe when you come over we can check it out. I might go look for it after I finish writing this so it'll be ready.

    The stars are starting to come out and someone is barbecuing down the block. Sounds like they're having a good time, they're talking things over and drinking heavily, and I can get the smoke all the way up here, five houses down. Trees are waving lightly in the wind. It's a reallty nice night, and it's all the worse that you can't be here to share it with me. Well, hopefully soon.

  • Grayberet_274, 7:22 P.M.
  • I have Steve on the mind- if you see this, just type it in the box below ;)

  • Grayberet_274, 6:15 A.M.
  • Writing this early today because I have a big job coming up. Going to Hill Road, someone's fence needs repair. People over there are loaded so this could be big for me. I might be busy all day but while I'm working on the fence I'll be waiting to get back here so I can see if you left anything for me. I assume you're busy, too. Believe me, I get it. We all have our own obligations and things to take care of, go ahead and get whatever done. I look forward to seeing what you have to say tonight.

    Now that I think about it you probably don't know your way around Boise. I can show you the sights, give you a taste of the city. let me be your tour guide, how does that sound? Maybe we can take in a movie. If you reply to this before 9:00, we can go and catch something late. Reply soon, though, because if I don't keep posting on this thread it could get lost at the bottom. And I want to make it's on top so you can see it and notice it. Anyway, that's about all for today. Wish me luck.

  • Grayberet_274, 2:22 P.M.
  • Hey again, Steve, taking a break off work to sneak you this really quick. I'm in the ranch right now, it's almost a mansion, and if they caught me in here using their computer I might not get paid, so I'll be quick about it. I noticed you still hadn't replied.

    I think I heard the door open. Gotta get back out there and back on the fence.

  • Grayberet_274, 9:56 P.M.
  • That was intense, the lady almost caught me. She was coming up the stairs so I ran out the back door, across the front lawn, and picked up the nails, then I started hammering them into the wood as fast as possible. Really hard stuff. She comes out, walks over to me, and she's like "Were you just in the house? Earl thought he heard someone." And I said "No, I've been out here fixing the fence." And she just kind of shrugged her shoulders and walked back inside, but she was giving me a suspicious kind of feeling. I think she knew. I made sure I closed the window I was talking with you on, but maybe she can find out another way. Her husband, Earl, is getting dementia so she might dismiss it as that. I hope so.

    The rest of the day I spent out there. fence was really splintery, luckily the day before I had driven out to the hardware store and bought some pallets. Also some paint, and I think I did a pretty good job of it. Apparently the fence was broken by a drunk driver, but now you'd barely be able to tell. I'm really good with carpentry, I took wood shop in high school and everyone always said I have a knack for it.

    After that I drove back here and looked for a response from you. Still nothing, but I'm really holding out hope. I got a lot of money from today's job so I went to the liquor store about an hour ago and got some Riesling to celebrate. I'll hole it up in the wine cellar (kitchen cabinet) for if you come over. I've also organzied things in here. Now that I think about it anticipating your visit has forced me to re-inspect some things in my life. The house looks clearner and tidier than it has in a long time. Thanks for that.

    I'll go to sleep now, but I'll be sure to look tomorrow and see if you have any interesting stories to share with me. catch you then.

  • Grayberet_274, 8:35 P.M.
  • Sorry about the confusion, Steve. The only movie theater I usually go to, The Flicks, is being renovated this weekend. No, I wasn't asked to help out, despite my reputation as an impeccable craftswoman :( Anyway, change of plans: How about we go see a concert? There are a lot of good local bands, a few I like have concerts coming up. if you really want, I could probably even get us a backstage experience, I have a first name basis with most of them. Does that float your boat?

    I was almost out of food tonight so on the way home I stopped at the store. I've always found it comforting to walk down grocery store aisles in the late afternoon or early evening, browse around. I like how empty they feel, especially the frozen aisle. I don't know, there's some kind of atmosphere to them. Do you feel like that? I got some cans of soup, and get this- they were having a special on prime rib. I almost didn't get it but at the last minute when i was at checkout I gave up my spot in line, went back there and picked the prime rib up. It's usually $20 but this week it was cut down to $15. Believe me, it's succulent and tender. If you get over here we can have it with the Riesling.

    Now onto better news- the other AST conference is in only 4 days, on the 20th. I assume you probably already knew that. I'll be sure to attend. Hope to see you there if we're not able to meet up before then, but if we can meet up before then that would be great. We'll go to a concert, like I said, and maybe afterwards we can drive out for a while and find a spot to park, look up. I hear there's supposed to be an asteroid shower tomorrow night. Wouldn't want to miss it, and I definitely wouldn't want to be alone :D

  • Grayberet_274, 10:20 P.M.
  • The shower starts at 11, I'm going to wait 5 more minutes and then I'm going to go. I hope you show up, though, I packed some food and everything. Also some CDs. I have Oasis. Do you listen to Oasis? of course you do, everyone does. Honestly, I think they could be the next beatles. I almost got to their show back in december but my flight was delayed and I decided to get a refund. (See below) I listened to Wonderwall again a while back and it's just as good as ever. I'd like nothing more than to play that while we drive down the road and pull over in some grassy field, get out and turn off the car, listen to the crickets. Please, Steve. I'm standing here by the door.

    I guess you won't be showing up. That's OK, Steve. I know you'll be at that AST conference, and every day it motivates me to get up and greet the day, the certainty that you'll be there and we'll finally, FINALLY get to talk. Whew, pretty crazy, isn't it, how life turns out? Anyway, I gotta go. They've probably already started. See you later.

  • Grayberet_274, 2:49 A.M.
  • Thought there was one, guess i was wrong. So tired, drank all the Riesling

  • Grayberet_274, 4:28 P.M.
  • Steve, I think we need to talk.

    I want to know what you want from me. Am I your tour guide, your acquaintance, your girlfriend? What am I doing here? I can show you some great things, Steve. Idaho may look boring to you, coming from a priveleged tech background, but believe me I've seen some things in my time and there's nothing I'd enjoy more than having someone to share them with. So I'm asking, what is the nature of our relationship? I'm just not sure I understand

    My other question is how long do you plan on being at the conference the day after tomorrow, and where will you be? Downstairs, upstairs? It's a big building, it could be hard to find you unless I'm looking. I will be looking, of course, but just in case I can't find you in there I'd prefer if you told me below where you'll be. I plan on checking out the Pentium corner again, it was a lot of fun last time. If you want to make sure we meet up, try there. I could also be at the refreshment station. Just want to be sure we catch each other.

    Sorry if I seem pushy or angry. I'm not angry, it's just that I've been under a lot of pressure lately and I was hoping we could escape. You know, like the Pina Colada song. Ha ha. Anyway, talk to you soon.

  • Grayberet_274, 8:09 P.M.
  • Going to sleep early tonight, big plans tomorrow. I've got to pick out an outfit, not just for you to see me in but also to wow the crowds. I'm thinking maybe a tunic, that might be eye-catching. The more eye-catching the better, because there could be a lot of people in attendance and we could get lost. I'm also going to bring along some of my old AST gear for the guys at the tables to look at. Maybe you'll know some interesting facts about it that you could share with me. I've always been big into AST. Some people are saying that you're on your last legs but in my opinion the software you put out has always been the most functional and user-friendly. Anyway, that's all I had to say. hope you're ready, too. I'm really excited.

  • Grayberet_274, 7:17 A.M.
  • I woke up early and boy I feel refreshed. I'm typing this up at an Internet cafe, I splurged and got myself a large double-pump mocha, and I'm looking out onto the street. Grass is looking really nice, so are all the buildings. I'm sure that you're staying somewhere nearby, you probably Know how nice it is over here. I'd agree, Boise has some of the best weather.

    Speaking of coffee and everything, what's your favorite type of coffee? Do you like yours strong? I like it strong, I guess that's because I like to live life dangerously and take risks once in a while. if you like taking risks, then I'm your type of girl. Even if you play it safe, I'm probably still your type. I hear from a lot of relationship experts on TV that conflicting personalities are essential for a working relationship, that if both parties involved have the same personality the relationship could get stale. I tend to agree. It sounds counterintuitive, but in the end the reason we as social animals form bonds is because we want new perspectives on life.

    If you're staying at a hotel nearby with the rest of the AST technicians then I'd like to know where it is and maybe we could get together today before the conference tomorrow. It's still pretty early. We could eat a lunch at that restaurant, I suggest the blueberry pie. their sandiwches are also good, I've had the tuna melt and let me tell you, it's to die for. I tried looking up where you guys were staying but the information wasn't on the AST website. Is it the Holiday Inn? If you respond to this before I finish my coffee I could drive over there and pick you up. That's all I had to say. Bye

  • Grayberet_274, 9:34 P.M.
  • Tried driving around in the Holiday Inn parking lot looking for an AST company car or something similar but didn't see anything, didn't see any AST employees either, definitely not you. It was worth a shot, anyway.

    I don't need to worry about that, though, neither should you. Tomorrow we'll have a chance to catch up. I can't wait to get in there and have a look around with you. Loads of people, tech tips, even lectures. They have some good speakers planned. After the conference we can come back here and have some prime rib. It's still good, expiration date is still a ways off. Really looking forward to it. After that we can talk for a while, maybe drive for a while, of just hang out. it's up to you, Steve.

    I think I picked out a nice outfit. It's a red cotton shirt and yellow slacks, you won't be able to miss me, I'll probably look incredibly tacks and stick out like a sore thumb. jk, it looks good, you'll look great with me by your side. Wasn't able to find my tunic. maybe next time, :) I've put a lot of thought into how I'll look there. tech expos aren't necessarily known for great-looking people but it's important to leave an impression on the people you encounter. I'm sure you'll have all sorts of friends you'll want to introduce me to. I can't wait to meet them, it must be really great working for a big company like AST. Exciting.

    I'm going to go to sleep now, Steve. Sweet dreams.

  • Kismet, 5:04 P.M.
  • You still haven't provided a profile picture or any means of identification, and we've been very lenient with this deadline. For that reason, and for some complaints from the other members of this board concerning intrusive and bizarre inquiries, me and the rest of the admins have decided to issue you a permanent ban until further notice.

  • Grayberet_274, 5:05 P.M.
  • It's okay, i'll leave on my own, it's just

    I never thought he would OFF HIMSELF, that was never the goal here, but I asked around and they were all sad, they all had this kind of expression that let me know that something REALLY bad had happened and then when they said they had woken up and gone to his room, heard no answer so they called the staff to unlock the door, were already running an hour late

    And then they find him sprawled out on the floor with his eyes staring toward God, open and inquisitive, the eyes I only saw once. jk LOL I know it's hard for you to know about this or how bad it feels, but he did himself away and even worse, get this, on his computer they found THIS THREAD, this EXACT thread, on his monitor. I honestly don't know what to do anymore, it's lonely living here in this sick town, I want out, i want to escape but it's so HARD unless you know somebody who's willing to hear you out and LISTEN

    And maybe that's why he did it and maybe it's not, and I guess we'll never know but the point is this: that I just got back from the conference looking straight ahead at the road all the way home, my palms were glued to the steering wheel with sweat and tears and now I'm curled up in the fetal position here on the couch, picturing this in my head, STEVE ON THE FLOOR LIKE A RAG DOLL and knowing that minutes before he was looking at what I said, I don't know how you see it but as I see it that's about it so let's close the case, ban me all you want it won't change anything

    i love you steve